300...if only it were 30000

300: screenshot

Dozens, no, hundreds of men in peak physical condition; swords thrust with precision; Blood red capes, rich with folds, flowing through the air; ripped, bare torsos glistening with sweat and blood; the bond of brotherhood so strong and passionate...

ohmygawd. I think i just had a eyegasm.

I watched this movie with no expectations. What I did not expect was to be waiting in line for 90+ minutes while the nerdy believers in line read Frank Miller waiting for the theater doors to open. One of my friends who had already seen the movie, amused us during the wait by telling us about a guy who, before the movie started, stood up, faced the crowd and yelled “WE ARE SPARTA!!!!” tore off his shirt and threw it in the audience. Needless to say, he was immediately crowned “biggest douche in theater” and was almost kicked out until he put his shirt back on. Spartan hard body, he was not.

I have to admit though, after watching the movie, I would have been right there with him screaming (but without the shirt ripping.) The movie was first off, GORGEOUS. Abso-freakin-loutely gorgeous. I am a HUGE comic book (okay, manga) freak and I very much admired the stylistic aspects of this film. I knew that 90% of this movie was CG (thanks to an article in TIME Magazine) but nothing seemed fake to me. I felt that I was in some sort of mystical fantasy world filled with hundreds and hundreds of MANLY MEN.

OHYEAHIALMOSTFORGOTBUTNOTREALLY.

the men...*shivers*

I am a self professed pretty boy fan... but I have this thing for older guys with macho sex appeal (think Hugh Jackman, Johnny Depp, Viggo Mortensen and Christian Bale) and so this movie was about the sexiest thing EHVA. I swear that I have never seen so many CUT/not GAY (possibly not gay) /SEXY/MACHO men in one place before…and the bit of cloth passing for underwear that they wore with those magnificent capes…drool…

And as girly as I am about manly, half naked men, I especially appreciated the battle scenes. The slow motion scenes were almost perfect, as if the movie was savoring every cut, every thrust, every kick and every drop of blood that flew across the screen. The filmmakers did a great job in creating a ethereal sort of feeling. or maybe it was the hot dudes. damn. they really were hot.

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okay. I’m sorry.

All in all, this movie was pure eye candy, and so don’t expect too much in the way of substance. There was basically no plot. Just lots of blood and weird fantasy animals. With a running time of 1 hr and 55 minutes, it was perfect in its presentation and *surprisingly* it had a moment of “girl power!” I’m not some neofeminist but I freaked out when the lovely queen of Sparta took serious action against that NASTY (But kinda hot) politician. GO girl!

I’ve been reading reviews where people are angry because the Persians are portrayed in a negative light and the history of this movie is inaccurate. Look Persians (Iran), i saw the James Bond movie “Die Another Day” with the HORRID caricature of North and South Koreans. Thats not korea you douches. Stop complainting and chill out. Eat some popcorn.

My point is, this movie is going to be watched by people who like action, the gay community, and by girls who have a thing for hot MANLY men. But remember, Its only for fun, made to be entertaining. Its based off a comic book for goodness sakes.

So just sit back, enjoy and if you are one of those aformentioned girls (or guys), bring a towel. Or a sponge